Crystal Clear

For the past months…maybe years…I feel as though my vision has been blurred.  Not my actual vision (lasik surgery fixed that quite nicely.)   The eyes we see with from our hearts.  Who we really are inside…the core of who we are…that’s who’s been blinded.  The reality of things and our perception of things can be so skewed.  This is where the disconnect has occurred in my life.

This morning I had what some would call a “break through moment”, but to be honest just saying that very churchy phrase makes me want to gag.  I don’t care what you call it: the stars aligned, the heavens opened, God spoke to me, a miracle…whatever. It was real, and it WAS all God.  Not sure why these moments seem to happen so few and far between (and most often in the shower), but I can tell you I am eternally thankful that they do. They bring me hope that I’m not a lost cause.

If I told you all the things that I feel led up to this one moment, you’d probably think I was nuts.  Chalk it up to mere coincidence. But it wasn’t.  It was a beautiful sequence of events, not unlike a symphony, that God was orchestrating to get me to that one place, that one moment, where my heart was ready to see.  To hear Him. To beat again.

I’m not usually poetic with my words, and to be honest, quite sarcastic and cynical in my thinking.  But today…ah, today is different.  A book, some songs, traffic, a friend, another friend, house guests, the sun, the kindness of a stranger, me paying that kindness forward to another stranger (in the simple form of a smile to a grumpy nurse who wanted to give me a hard time), a text, a phone call, a last minute whirlwind trip planned…all working together…all being orchestrated, just for me. Just for MY moment.

My hope and prayer is that I am not lulled back to sleep. That the blindness and darkness are gone…for good. Forever.  I want to see again. To feel again. To really live.