Dear “Morning Person” (heretofore known as an MP…though not to be confused with the military police),
This informative letter is to help you live in peaceful coexistence with someone who may be “Not A Morning Person” (also known as a NAMP.) If you follow these simple suggestions, your mornings are bound to be more enjoyable and peace filled. Let’s begin:
- Typically NAMPs do not like to be woken up and immediately have their feet hit the floor. They require a few minutes of getting acclimated to having their eyes open. Also, they need to stretch a bit and remember where they are, and important things like what day it is, and why they even have to be awake. Expecting a NAMP to “hop tall” at a moments notice is like waking a hibernating bear in March. Don’t do it. It will not end well.
- Talking and or conversing with a NAMP first thing is also a big no-no. NAMPs should not be held responsible for things said to them or by them up to 30 minutes after waking. If you tell a NAMP something important in this time period the chances are good that not only will they forget what you’ve told them, but they will have absolutely no recollection the conversation ever took place, and will go so far as to deny vehemently being told this information at all. Again, you, the MP are in the wrong and should not have spoken until the required time period was up. Your bad.
- Trying to rush a NAMP in the the morning is not only a bad idea, it may be hazardous to your health. It can go one of two ways. If you try to get a NAMP to pick up the pace within an hour of them waking, they may become angry, or cry. It depends on the day, whether or not any caffeine has yet entered their system, or if the NAMP is a female, and if so, what time of the month it is. Be wary. They have been known to throw items (typically hair brushes) at MPs who are just, in their defense, trying to get everyone out of the house on time.
- Don’t take it personally. NAMPs are not directing their icy glares or dagger eyes at you, it’s the general universe at large. It takes some time to come to grips with being vertical and awake as opposed to horizontal and slumbering sweetly. This usually only happens if you get in a NAMPs way, or speak to them.
- If after two hours of being awake a NAMP is still claiming their syndrome for their general unpleasantness, they are lying and need to be gently reminded that now they’re just having a “bad day”. Which is a whole other issue itself.
I hope this helps all of you MPs in dealing with the NAMPs in your lives. We want to live peacefully with you as much as you do with us.
Love,
The Chief of NAMPs
On the Sunny Side 