Permission to Fail

It’s almost 6:30 and I’m contemplating going to bed.  It hit me all of a sudden today.  That wall.  I don’t really feel like I’ve been going and going and going…   I guess in some ways I have.  Since I started the Biggest Loser Challenge 3 weeks ago I’ve been religiously counting my daily calories.  With the help of myfitnesspal.com, it’s not too hard.  The hard part was the first two weeks and adjusting to my new eating habits.  I feel like I’ve got that down, so now it’s time to add in phase 2: exercise.

Since I know myself SO well, and I know I tend to be an all or nothing personality, I purposed to go about this in a balanced manner.  I haven’t run or worked out in any way, shape, or form in months.  I figured a walk off the pounds dvd from the library might be a good way to ease back into things.  I’m LOL at that now.  After work yesterday I did the 30 minute express video.  It was a 2 mile walk with interval resistance training with a stretchy band.   I felt good while I was doing it!  I felt good afterwords.  So good in fact, that I decided to do some planks.  And try to do a push-up.  That’s right. Just one.  I’m told if I keep trying every day, eventually I’ll be strong enough to do, maybe 2.  So far I’ve managed about 1/2 a push-up.  That’s where you get in a push-up position, start to bend your arms and go down, then realize if you continue in that downward motion your chest will hit the floor, but you won’t be able to get back up.  Thus, you only go half way down.  It’s safer that way really.   I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

I was doing so well yesterday, and now today just feels like one big fail.  Yesterday my morning Bible study time was inspired!  Today I had trouble focusing and staying awake.  Yesterday I was full of energy!  Today I’m fighting to stay vertical.  What happened??  Nothing notable that I can tell.  The other big fail today is that in all my “trying to change my life” thoughts, I also decided to try a new method of keeping the house clean.  Or at least our family’s version of clean.  For the most part if it’s not sticky or visibly disgusting, we leave it alone.  Meaning my house gets a good cleaning maybe once every other month.  No lie.  I’m speaking truth here.  That may be gross to you, but it’s just reality for us.  We keep things picked up, but I’m talking about sweeping, mopping, dusting…that kind of stuff.  It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I need to be a grown up about this.  I have a plan.  If I clean one room a day, the whole house should stay clean enough that if anyone drops by, I can let them in the door.  This sounded like a good plan.  I even cleaned the bathroom after my workout yesterday (all that energy, don’t you know.)  Today was supposed to be kitchen cleaning day.  Shoot.  The only thing I did in the kitchen when I got home from work today was put down my lunch bag, and make some coffee and a pb&j sandwich (totally blew my calories for the day!)

The kids just came in my room to ask if I was making dinner, took one look at me, said, “Nevermind,” and left.

Today I’m giving myself permission to fail.  Fail at my calorie counting. Fail at my new cleaning schedule.  Failure to exercise.  I’m actually quite ok with that.  See, I know a secret.  I might fail today, but I’m not a failure.  Tomorrow (after a good night’s rest and some much-needed down time) I can get back on track.  That’s the beauty of grace.

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