Today I need a reminder why this blog is called the Sunny Side of the Street. First because that song makes me happy. Second because I need to constantly be reminded that there is a sunny side to life. I don’t talk about it much, but I struggle with depression. The kind you need meds for. I’ve been pretty steady for well over a year, but about two months ago, it was getting harder and harder to function through my days. The doctor put me on an additional medication that kind of boosts what I’m currently on. It helps, but it has a really crappy side effect. Weight gain. Now for someone like me, that almost voids the good effects of the meds. I struggle with body image and my weight already. To add to that is just something I can’t deal with. So, I made an appointment with the doctor for next week, and quit taking that medication.
Which brings me to why I’m so out of it this week. My family keeps asking what’s wrong. Nothing really. There is absolutely nothing wrong. That’s the tricky thing about depression. Nothing can be wrong and everything can be right and you still feel down. I’ve come to realize that only someone who has fought this battle can really understand what you’re going through. And even then, it can be different for each person.
My goal this summer was to run every other day, and I’ve been pretty consistent with that, but then I pulled a muscle the other day and I’m still limping. Now I have to decide…push ahead and keep running, or let it rest. Which in my brain translates…burn some calories or get even fatter. From this couch where I sit, I don’t want to do anything today. Nothing. Just sit here till the girls’ schedules demand I drive them to their various activities. The reality is my sink is full of dishes, the house needs cleaned, and there are about a hundred things I could/should be doing. Since I’m airing all my dirty laundry I might as well tell you since school let out for summer break I’ve read 17 novels. When asked what I’ve done this summer, I say read and run. That’s it.
I’m not looking for encouragement or people to tell me things will get better, even though I’m sure they will. I know they will. I just needed to get some words down about how I was feeling today. Some friends might ask where God is in all this, and to that I say, He is here in a big way. If He and His word were not involved, I have no doubt I’d be curled up in a corner in a fetal position in much worse shape than I am. And there it is…the sunny side of this thing.