For almost 2 years now, we’ve been attending Bethel Church. Prior to that we had been at the same church for 20 years. Bethel has taken some getting used to, and most of the time I still feel like the “new kid”. I’ve made an effort to get involved in the body life. I serve in the infant nursery once a month. It helps them, and bonus…I get my baby fix! I love serving in nursery. I’m also involved with a ladies’ small group that meets twice a month. We’re currently reading and working through this book. The thing is that Bethel is huge compared to our last church home, and we still aren’t used to that. The classes they offer and the small groups help, but I just think it’s really hard to transition anywhere when you had been somewhere else for so long!
Earlier this week I went to a special meeting at Bethel. We, as a church, are entering new territory with “Mission Them” which is to multiply disciples through multiple sites and multiple partnerships. It was a very informative meeting, and I really like the leadership’s approach to this new era in the church. Through it all, I still had that new kid “I don’t really belong with this group” feeling. Not because of others, because of me. I’m at somewhat of a crossroads as far as my heart is concerned. It’s time to be “all in”, or continue to keep myself on the periphery of things. On the outside it looks like I’m involved, serving, taking Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, involved in a small group. But at the heart of things, I’m afraid to go all in. If I go all in with my heart, there’s a chance I could be hurt again. In two years, a lot of hurts have healed, but the risk of going all in at Bethel means those scars could be reopened.
This is where I struggle. My trust has to be in God, and I have to do and go where HE wants me to. In this case, I can feel His gently guiding hand leading me towards going all in. And I’m not gonna lie: it’s scary. The thing about it is I know that while I’m scared, He is holding my hand telling me that He’s right there…in the scariness. The heart is a tricky thing. It wants what it wants. To be loved and accepted and treasured and valued. God does all those things, and that really should be enough. I think that’s what I find most scary. That sometimes I don’t let that be enough.
So, to sum up what I learned this week: with Christ by my side, I can do scary things because no matter the outcome, He will stay right there with me.
Has there ever been a time you were afraid to go “all in”? What happened?