Holding Pattern

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m waiting for something.  I mean, I’m always waiting for something…actually someone…to get done with something (school, rehearsal, meetings, etc.)   You can usually find me waiting in my minivan with a book and some coffee.  The waiting is not as painful that way.  But this new feeling of waiting is strange because I don’t know what it is I’m waiting for.  Change maybe. I’m not sure…just something.  I don’t even know what change would be on the horizon.  The surprise kind I suppose, and sometimes those can be scary.

I’m in a holding pattern.  Just going in the same circles waiting for whatever. Most of the time I’m ok with this new feeling, but today, honestly, it’s got me down.  I’m tired.  Physically, emotionally…just drained.  I’ve not made any secret of the fact that I struggle with chronic depression, but I’ve also not really written about it here.  Every two months it seems I cycle into a downward spiral that makes it tough to get through the day.  I blame it on crazy hormones!  This time I haven’t been able to bounce back as quickly and the doctor added some new medication to my regiment.  The first few days I was on it, it felt like what I would imagine it’s like to take speed. I was on!  I hardly needed to sleep and I was WAY motivated.  After a month of feeling unmotivated to even get up in the morning, this was pretty cool.  Now that my body is adjusting to the meds, I’m more evened out, but today I just didn’t want to leave my bed (or Pinterest!)

I often wonder if there are other people, particularly Christians, who struggle with this.  I have nothing to be sad about. My life is ridiculously blessed and I know it.  So how does one explain a “sickness” that you can’t really “see”.  Especially to friends and family who clearly know you’re just not yourself.  I’m just curious to know how you guys get out of a slump.  I get prayer, reading your Bible, etc…all the spiritual stuff.  That’s a given.  I’m talking the practical, real to life stuff.

What do you do to get yourself out of  a funk?



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