Apparently yesterday’s writing and posting of a new blog post after so many months of not opened a veritable floodgate of words that have been stored in my head. I’m having trouble pinning them down into groups that make sense. Speaking of pinning and groups, have you been on Pinterest yet? If you tend to be at all obsessive as I am, I would avoid it. I knew what it was, and for months I avoided it, then while on vacation visiting a friend in Philadelphia I caved. Now it’s my new favorite time sucker and mind numbing waste of time. You can see my boards here if you so desire. In defense of Pinterest, I have gotten quite a few ideas that I’ve used in my classroom. And many more that are pipe dreams.
During my hiatus from writing I didn’t exactly use all my time wisely. I think the distance from social media helped me to be more mentally in the moment when I was with my family or friends, but in my down time I was as foolish as ever. Besides Pinterest I got hooked on the show “In Plain Sight” on Netflix. It’s just so easy to watch episode after episode! I’m sad to say that the character Mary Shannon is as sarcastic as I am. The stuff she says (minus the bad words and taking of the Lord’s name in vain) is what I think a lot of the time. So, so sad. By nature I’m cynical, untrusting, and sarcasm is a love language to me. Thank God He’s working on that nature! In hindsight I probably shouldn’t like that show as much as I do, but hey…if nothing else I can learn how not to be.
Which brings me to something I also wanted to write about…the point of this here blog. Because of my glass-half-empty, Eeyore personality, I have to daily fight to see the positive. As a child of God and Christ follower one would think it would come easier to me. Not really. The fact that I can see the positive at all is a testament to God’s goodness to me. That’s why I named this blog the Sunny Side. Also because I’m an old soul (older than my years on earth anyway) and I love the song. I’ve thought a lot about this perceived character flaw of mine. I’ve been dealing with chronic depression for pretty much my whole life, and while I don’t think I’ve let it define me, I do think it affects everything. Recently while reading 2 Corinthians 12 about Paul’s thorn, I think I better understand some things about myself. Verses 7-10 in the ESV version (which seems to be the popular version to use these days) says,
7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I see my character flaw as a weakness and used to see it as a “bad” thing I needed to get rid of in order to live life to the fullest. Recently I’ve come to the understanding that it is indeed a weakness, but not necessarily a bad thing. If God’s glory can best be shown through me as I rely on Him to daily help me live with chronic depression and a negative attitude, well then, I’ll take it. That’s my goal. To bring Him glory. I fail at this often, and have learned the power of apology (given and received.)
These are just a handful of the millions of words floating around my brain today. I hope they make some sort of sense, and most of all point to the One that it’s all about.