Oh right…I almost forgot. I have a blog. A place where I can write stuff, and a few people read it. Right. Well, what can I say? Life is slamming me right now, and I’m tired. Bone weary, ready to give up, but keep dragging on kind of tired. I’m pretty sure this is the norm for this time each year, but this year just seems different. Heavier some how.
We’re in the final weeks (days really) of the school year, and I have many thoughts and feeling about this past year. In some ways it’s been my favorite year to teach in the 9 years I’ve been at this particular gig. In others…oh my…I’ve been challenged and in my opinion come up short. It’s not for lack of trying to be sure. I feel like I gave 100% this year, but for some reason it was not enough. By the end of the school year the gap between the kids who are struggling and the kids who just get it has narrowed. Not this year. The gap feels like the Grand Canyon to me. I’m having a hard time with this. Wondering, “What could I have done differently?” “How could I have helped them more?” The answer is always the same. Nothing and I couldn’t. I really feel like I used literally everything in my teacher’s tool box this year, and some things are still left unrepaired or unbuilt. I keep reminding myself that this year was different than any other year. I had more kids in my class (17.) I was the only grade (meaning alone…a lot.) I had some challenging students. Sigh.
I was hoping that by writing these words I would be able to reconcile what I know in my head to be true with what I feel in my heart. Or vice versa…or something like that. It appears it’s not working. I’m still tired. I still want school to be done and over. I still feel like I didn’t have enough time with them! Like I didn’t do enough.
Don’t worry about me…I know it’s not really true. It’s just the tired talking.
We’ll return to your regularly happy SunnySide in 2 weeks! (thanks for sticking with me)