It is my intention to post something here every day this week. Ha! It’s also my intention to cook every night and keep up with the house and laundry. All while somehow keeping my sanity in tact. (I just snort-laughed) (be honest…you did too 😉
I’ve realized two things lately: #1 I am a much happier person if music is playing all the time. (unless it’s music I hate…like country), and #2 I am much more of a deep thinker than I think people think I am. (If that sentence made sense to you, you are now my best friend.)
If we are being honest, which I try to always be, I guess one never really knows what others think of them. Most of the time other people aren’t completely honest when you ask them that question. Or, maybe it’s just the way I phrase it. For instance, “Do you think I’m dumb?” Loaded question. No one is going to answer that, even if they do think you’re dumb. How about like this? “What is your impression of me?” I’d really like people to answer that. Honestly. I know some of the answers might be painful, but I’m learning that life is full of pain. It’s what you do with that pain that matters. You have a choice to let it wreck you, or give it to God so it can grow you, and give you another chance.
Today I am sad. And sad tends to make me think deeply about things. My class has lost a student. His parents decided to put him in another school. I really don’t know why, nor is it any of my business, but I’m sad. He was a challenging student, but so full of life and curiosity and quirks…and I love that kid. It hurts that he’s gone. What hurts even worse is that the parents told the office, told the daycare teachers, but never said a thing to me personally. I was told that his last day would be the last day of February. That’s today. This weekend I went out and bought him an early reader book with his favorite character, Thomas the Train. This boy was ALL about Thomas! He could name every character, and was often heard playing in centers and saying to himself, “Bust my bumpers, my brakes are out!” Oh, he made me laugh. I wrote a nice little note in the book, and the class made him a card, but he didn’t come today. No goodbye. No packing up of his things. No closure. His mom said to leave his stuff in the office and she’ll pick it up sometime. It’s really hard not to take this personally, but I know it’s not personal. They did tell me that. But I do. Because I love “my” kids. For some reason this year more than most. Which brings me to the deep thought I’ve been mulling over for a couple weeks now.
In this life that changes constantly, how do we love deeply, yet hold loosely? I sure don’t have the answer to this, but I’ve been seeking it out in the place I look for all my answers…from God. His word, His people, His songs…they are all helping me. I may never know the answer, or even how to do it, if it’s even possible. And that’s ok too. For now, I just need to get through this day, knowing that when things change, HE never does.