In Great Sadness is Choice and Chance

It is my intention to post something here every day this week. Ha! It’s also my intention to cook every night and keep up with the house and laundry.  All while somehow keeping my sanity in tact. (I just snort-laughed) (be honest…you did too 😉

I’ve realized two things lately: #1 I am a much happier person if music is playing all the time. (unless it’s music I hate…like country), and #2 I am much more of a deep thinker than I think people think I am.  (If that sentence made sense to you, you are now my best friend.)

If we are being honest, which I try to always be, I guess one never really knows what others think of them.  Most of the time other people aren’t completely honest when you ask them that question.  Or, maybe it’s just the way I phrase it.  For instance, “Do you think I’m dumb?” Loaded question.  No one is going to answer that, even if they do think you’re dumb.  How about like this? “What is your impression of me?”  I’d really like people to answer that.  Honestly.  I know some of the answers might be painful, but I’m learning that life is full of pain. It’s what you do with that pain that matters. You have a choice to let it wreck you, or give it to God so it can grow you, and give you another chance.

Today I am sad.  And sad tends to make me think deeply about things.  My class has lost a student.  His parents decided to put him in another school. I really don’t know why, nor is it any of my business, but I’m sad.  He was a challenging student, but so full of life and curiosity and quirks…and I love that kid.  It hurts that he’s gone.  What hurts even worse is that the parents told the office, told the daycare teachers, but never said a thing to me personally.  I was told that his last day would be the last day of February. That’s today.  This weekend I went out and bought him an early reader book with his favorite character, Thomas the Train.  This boy was ALL about Thomas! He could name every character, and was often heard playing in centers and saying to himself, “Bust my bumpers, my brakes are out!” Oh, he made me laugh.  I wrote a nice little note in the book, and the class made him a card, but he didn’t come today.  No goodbye.  No packing up of his things. No closure.  His mom said to leave his stuff in the office and she’ll pick it up sometime.  It’s really hard not to take this personally, but I know it’s not personal.  They did tell me that.  But I do.  Because I love “my” kids.  For some reason this year more than most.  Which brings me to the deep thought I’ve been mulling over for a couple weeks now.

In this life that changes constantly, how do we love deeply, yet hold loosely?  I sure don’t have the answer to this, but I’ve been seeking it out in the place I look for all my answers…from God.  His word, His people, His songs…they are all helping me.  I may never know the answer, or even how to do it, if it’s even possible.  And that’s ok too.  For now, I just need to get through this day, knowing that when things change, HE never does.

Advertisements

Talking with Teens (aka Older Than a Rock Band)

The other day after I picked the girls up from school we were on our way home, this was the conversation overheard in the car. I have to share it, because it still cracks me up.

Marissa: “Have you heard that ‘Shut Up’ song on the radio? They’re playing it all the time now.”

Rebekah: “Yeah, that’s the band that was at the Rock & Worship RoadshowAnthem Lights.”

Marissa: ” I like that song.”

Rebekah: “Yeah. They’re kind of like an old ‘Big Time Rush’.” (click the link for translation…I knew what they meant.)

Marissa and I: (laughs)

Me: “I was impressed that they all sang, not just one lead singer, and that their lyrics were scripturally deep.”

(pause of silence…then conversation continues as if I hadn’t said anything)

Marissa: “How old were they? Like Toby Mac old, or RelientK old?”

Rebekah: “RelientK doesn’t sound old! Anthem Lights is just old.”

Marissa: “Yeah, but how old. As old as Toby Mac?”

Rebekah: “No, more like RelientK, but Anthem Lights doesn’t sound old either.”

Me: “Guys, you know I’m still in the car, right? And I’m older than the guys in Anthem Lights.”

Embrace the Funk

I’m full of excuses for why I haven’t updated this blog in sweet forever, many quite legitimate I assure you, but most not.  At the root of it, I didn’t feel I had anything worth sharing.  I was in a funk.  If you know me, you know I cycle through a severe ‘funk’, depression, whatever you want to call it every few months.  This time the difference was I just went with it.  I indulged in too many sweets, too much tv, and lots and lots of sitting on the couch. And you know what, I’m on my way out of it just like every other time before, only this time, instead of mentally beating myself up for not getting off the couch, I just enjoyed it. I embraced the funk!  Strange, yet beautiful.  I figure if God allows me this thorn in my side, I may as well bring Him glory from it and through it.  The sun is shining today, and I’m on my way back, my friends. Life is good.

Other than that little tidbit of life, I have much randomness to share. Bullet point, anyone?

  • My laptop is about 3 years old.  It’s starting to show signs of it’s age. I think laptops age like dogs.  My ‘n’ and ‘e’ keys are completely worn off, and ‘m’ is barely there.  Now the ‘b’ key is sticking and I have to hit it so hard I’m likely to injure my index finger.  For Valentine’s Day I’ve requested the carte blanche to purchase the allusive ‘perfect purse’ I’ve been searching for these past 3 months.  I’m thinking it may have the words C-O-A-C-H attached to it 😉 Although, maybe I should ask for a new laptop.
  • Despite the funk I’ve been in, I managed to keep a pretty good routine of cooking dinner for my family. I hate to cook. Always have. And unless God intervenes, I don’t see that ever changing.  Thanks to this guy I’ve heard about E-mealz and I’ve signed up.  I just printed out our first meal plan this morning. I’ll let you know how it goes. I figure the planning part is the biggest battle.  At $5 a month, to have someone do the thinking for me. Totally worth it!  There are so many meal plans to choose from, that was the hardest decision to make. I had it narrowed down to the ‘Aldi’ plan or the ‘Any Store’ plan.  I went with the latter, because I like options. To go with Aldi is a commitment, and that’s something I run from.
  • I have committed myself to one thing recently. A Bible study at church.  It’s a 7 week book study, and last week was the first session.  I’m not a shy person, but when in the throws on a funk, I find it very hard to step out of myself and do new things.  The ladies were very nice, and I think I’m going to enjoy the book a lot.  There were even two people there that I knew.
  • My last random point I’ll leave you with is the fulfillment of a promise I made way too long ago.  Way back at the beginning of the year, I was all about baked oatmeal. Still am if truth be told. I ate 2 servings this morning! Oh, the goodness.  Many people asked me for the recipe, and even though it’s taken me forever to get to it, here you go. Enjoy!  (Amish Baked Oatmeal) I like to put diced Fuji apples and dried cherries on mine. It’s a bit too sweet for my liking, so I cut the sugar down a little bit, but it is sooooo good.

Go Big or Go Home

The producer of the morning show we  listen to on the way to school in the morning had that to say to the blizzard. It’s definitely going big!

The view out my front window

Crazy amounts of snow are falling here, and every time I think it’s slowing up I find I’m mistaken.  We’re good though.  We have plenty of food and coffee (very important in blizzard conditions.)  We don’t have school today, of course, but Phil had to go to work.  I haven’t talked to him yet to see how his drive in was, but hopefully he calls on his lunch break.  Last night he used the snow blower on our driveway 3 times through the evening, and it doesn’t look like it’s been touched. It’s the drifting.  I was watching this neighbor work on his driveway, and the drifts look like they’re about 4 feet.  Thankfully 12 year old’s think it’s cool to be out in a blizzard, so I had Alisha go out and shovel a path for the dog.  The drifts in our screened in porch were about 2 feet, and poor Patches isn’t even that tall.  She said it was fun. Ha! So glad I didn’t have to do that.  If I were a really good wife I’d get out there and try to shovel the driveway some.  The snow blower frightens me, and there’s no way I’m even going to touch that thing!

Last night despite the blizzard, we still had ladies Bible study.  Not in person, but online. It was kind of neat.  I got to sit on my couch in my pjs with a cup of coffee and chat (in type and with the mic) about what it means to be ‘blessed’.  A word I’ve honestly come to abhor due to it’s overuse and in my opinion, misuse.  I got some good insight, and it was a really good time.  I still prefer to be in the room with my girlfriends studying God’s Word together, but with crazy snow like this, it was awesome that we had an alternative.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I am ridiculously lazy and selfish.  I’ve done nothing…nothing...worthwhile in this last month.  Call it the winter blues or whatever, but I’ve decided that it’s not the end of the world.  Although if you look at the crazy weather and the state of the world it can sure seem like that’s not far off! So I took a month off from being responsible? Who cares?  My house is still dirty. It’ll get dirty again, even if I clean it.  Two things will cause me to clean my house.  #1- someone is coming over #2- I can no longer stand it.  Since we’re snowed in (and thus others are snowed out) that’s not a valid reason.  I’m close to being no longer able to live in this mess. Close, but not there. So, I think I shall take a shower, put on more pajamas, and sit on my couch with netflix and my laptop.

Call me lazy…or happy. Both are very true.