I’m having a very interesting day today. As is typical for Saturday’s, I slept in, drank way too much coffee, and finished a novel I was reading. One thing I know about myself is I NEED the downtime I allow myself on Saturdays. The kids watch too much tv, the house doesn’t get cleaned, and if I’m feeling really good about life, I might (and that’s a big might) start some laundry.
Today I’m feeling very unsettled. Not in a bad way really. It’s something I’m finding very difficult to figure out in my own head. I’m hoping by getting some words out here, it’ll come together for me. If I went by stats alone, and cared who did or didn’t read my blog, I would never have started this thing back up. You know, my last two entries had 0 hits. You know what that means? No one read them. Again, this is as much for me as it is for anyone else. I’ve tried to keep a written journal since no one would read that either, but I managed two entries in something like two months. This works for me. And it’s much cheaper than a therapist…which is probably what I really need!
From most of my posts, tweets, and fb updates, I don’t know that many people would consider me a deeply spiritual person. Whatever the heck that really means anyway. My point is a lot of what I share about myself is just the fluff of life. It’s all true and most of the time I’m brutally honest, which I know has driven some people away from me. That’s ok too…I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I get that. Does it hurt to be rejected? You bet! But I’m not letting it rule my life. I have a few faithful people in my life, and I depend on their love and friendship. I’d rather have a few truly authentic friends, than 50 acquaintances who really don’t care one whit about me.
I’m going off the beaten path today to climb upon my soapbox on this street corner of my world (this is my blog 😉 to say: I’m fed up! I’m tired of people. People are rude. They are mean. They are crude, selfish, and vengeful. And I am a person who can be all of those things too. Yet, because I am a Christ-follower, I strive to be quick to ask for forgiveness when I am mean or rude, or hateful to someone. I’m also going to be really honest here. I have seen as many, if not more, people being mean and manipulative in the ‘church’ than anywhere else. It’s probably about a tie. I’m not here to expound on those statistics, or even what they mean. I do have a question I’ve been posing to myself, and I’d like to ask you.
Do you think people who profess certain knowledge should be held to a higher standard? If I claim to follow Jesus as my example, and strive to live a life that pleases him, then I consistently (that being the key word) do things that go against those claims, shouldn’t I be called on it? I was thinking this morning about people I’ve heard who say that God told them to do this or that. More often than not, it takes some time before it’s clear whether the outcome of those actions line up with God’s Word, thus proving whether it was truly from Him or not. The analogy came to me about seeds. Whatever seed you plant will yield something. Whether or not what grows is good and beneficial to you and others isn’t seen for some time.
Another thought that I’ve been wrestling with is how to deal with those who truly don’t know God, and don’t profess to follow him at all. Some people would call them ‘lost’. I however do my very best to not speak “Christianese” as it’s sometimes referred to. They are people who don’t know, and don’t really care one way or the other about God. I think of them as blind. It does little good to shake a blind man and yell at him to see something that’s right in front of him. He can’t. This is how I’m feeling about some of the people I know. Until they say or do something that let’s me know that they know that what they’re doing is wrong, how am I supposed to approach them. I’ve decided it’s with great mercy and kindness. That’s how Jesus approached them, and His kindness often led to their blindness going away.
Not sure what this blog post is supposed to do, other than make me feel better about the turmoil in my brain. I want to be mad at the people who claim one thing and live another. My heart breaks for those who don’t ‘get’ the unconditional love God has for them, because they are too blind to see it. I’m not sure where I fall in the grand scheme of things anymore. This one thing I know…Jesus loves ME…He died in my place…God the Father has a plan for me, and it’s a good one. For now, this is enough. I don’t need any other answers.